January 14th 2019

My darling TG
Well that was an interesting 48 hours! I woke up with sudden shortness of breath and chest pains so a doctor recommended (insisted) I go to the nearest ER. The front desk at the hotel I’m at ordered a cab and as I’m leaving the concierge says ‘have a great night’. Well he was French so you know. I go into the spotless ER at Providence Saint Johns in Santa Monica. They are so great and swing into action taking bloods etc and doing an EKG. I tell Dr Grossman about losing my husband Terence and he is so kind. At one point I get up to go to the loo and I can’t remember which cubicle I’ve come from. I say to Dr Grossman ‘I can’t remember where I am’ and he laughs and says ‘oh my god then it’s really serious’. It’s like the best sitcom never written. They do a Triponen test to see if I have had what’s called a cardiac event. It’s negative and all my other tests are fine. Dr G says his gut feeling is it’s not my heart but stress from my grief which ‘should never be underestimated’. But he wants me to stay over night as the standard practice is to do 2 more Triponen tests whilst observing me. So I get wheeled up to the ward where I’m in a double room. Of course I’m dreading it. But an inner strength takes over and I think ah fuck it you’ve been through the worst thing imaginable. Turns out my next door neighbour is a lovely lady called Julie who is an event planner. 

To be continued.. 

PS it was your 54th birthday yesterday 19.1.19 – love you beyond measure my baby. Have told ALL of Santa Monica about you!! They love you too!! Xxxxx